Saturday, March 10, 2012

Letters to my children--Be Amazing!

Dear Nathan, May, Elijah, Sariah, and Brigham,


I write this letter with particular concern for my girls. But, it's equally important for you boys to understand this first part of my message.

Women are still not equal to men in so many ways. Men still hold more positions of power and men still make most of the decisions about how women are portrayed in the media. Much of this is derogatory material and demeaning towards women. In addition to that, you have emerged from a church that does not treat men and women equally. Men hold the positions of power and women do not. This isn't a race for power, however, and that's not exactly what I'm getting at. It is men who define the roles of both women and men in the church. There are mixed messages to women. On the one hand, the church has begun to tell women to get as much education as you can get. On the other hand, women are encouraged to get married, have children, and stay at home to raise them. It is viewed as the way to be righteous. This is a problem in my mind and I don't want you girls to define yourselves this narrowly. I want you to do what you want to do. I don't want you to feel like men (or even other women who do not know that they are being defined by men) define your role. Don't allow men, either through media, intellect, or power define who you will be. And this message goes both ways. The boys have to be careful which voices they listen to in their lives as well. I say this to you because you have been influenced by the church in your early years. I have been influenced by the church all of my life and even now am trying to extricate the unhealthy parts of church teachings from my life. (There are also good things that came from church and I'm not talking about those things here, though I will in a later letter).

Each of you are already amazing people. You each have your own interests and personalities. There are hundreds of amazing things you have done in your lives. There are also hundreds of things you've never tried and hundreds more things you never even thought existed. All of these things give you experiences and adds to the total whole of you are.

You may also have some difficulties. You may have a habit you don't like, a disability, a teacher who doesn't do things in a fair way. Sometimes your troubles come from the fact that you inherited a particular set of chromosomes. Sometimes your troubles come from the fact that you have less than perfect parents who have made mistakes along the way. Sometimes your problems come from less than stellar decisions you may have made. None of these things is completely insurmountable.

When I say, "Be Amazing!" I'm asking you to really get to know yourself. No one defines you, but you. As your parents, both Papa and I want you to succeed and want you to be happy. We want to do whatever is in our power to help you along your way. I want you to try out lots of different ideas, hobbies, and interests. If there is something new we can learn, let's dive in and give it a try. We don't need to limit our futures with the words "I can't." If you want something, we can work to make it happen!

Below is a very small list of things that may make an impact on your lives. You will recognize some of these things and some you might not. The idea here is just to get your mind thinking about different possibilities. When opportunities arise, grab them! Don't settle, always try to reach for your highest potential. Reach for the stars.

View Jupiter through a telescope. Examine a butterfly wing under a microscope. Watch 3D videos of the inner lives of cells on the internet. Learn the rules of logic. Make a new friend. Challenge yourself to a new physical level. Jump from a 20 foot cliff into the lake. Learn to sew. Go through the "Learn to Draw" book page by page until you have mastered it. Plan and carry out a backpacking trip. Save money for something you really want. Keep saying you want to fly! Log the birds you see and enter them into Excel every day. Spend entire days outdoors. Watch documentaries on topics that interest you. Take photos. Write a blog post. Plan and carry out a breeding bird survey. Find someone who needs your help and help them. Write a letter to a friend or relative. Share your thankfulness with another person. Swim in all five Great Lakes in one summer. Play games. Listen to music. Sing. Write the story of your life in a journal. Do a science experiment, not because it's required but because you want to know how things work. Read a challenging fiction book or a book on a topic you don't know anything about. Go hear Jane Goodall speak!

I believe that as you do amazing things, you will make an amazing life for yourself. Things will fall into place for you as you progress in your life. People will reach out and try to help you. Accept their help and be thankful that they are helping to pave your way. Look back on your successes, and even your failures, with gratitude. Reach out to help others, to mentor and befriend them; you might be surprised at what you gain from this. Look to the giants from the past who can teach you lessons (especially before you have to learn the hard way).

Be Amazing!

Love you,

Mom




Posted by Cindi M at 5:16 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Letters to my children--The environment

Dear Nathan, May, Elijah, Sariah and B,


Let's not start with religion first!

Instead, I want to talk to you about the environment. The five of you probably know more about the environment than the bulk of adults. You have watched documentaries, attended lectures, attended Audubon meetings, spoken with first-rate biologists, read books and visited museums. You don't need to hear more about the problems with politicians and bury-your-head-in-the-sand citizens. It's discouraging to say the least.

The reason I'm writing to you about the environment first is because I watched some TED talks this week that have got me thinking. If you want, take a break from reading and watch the three talks I watched:




The first video asks the question, "Is the Earth Full?" The answer is, yes, and more than full. The TED speaker says that we, as humans, are intelligent and creative and that we will find a way to continue on, but he says that we likely need a large crisis to get us on the path. He predicts that crisis to come in the next 40 years or so, within all of our lifetimes. I believe that we can try to prepare ourselves for such a crisis, but what worries me most is watching the Earth that I love being degraded.

You all know about the loss of birds in the last four to five decades. You know that many populations have seen losses up to 70%, 80%, 90%, or even 98%. You know the story of the Red Knots. These beautiful shorebirds travel from the high Arctic to the southern tip of South America. Their critical stop-over point is in the Delaware Bay where they gorge on Horseshoe Crab eggs and then continue their journey. You know that people decided it would be o.k. to harvest horseshoe crabs for themselves and that when that wasn't regulated the horseshoe crabs became scarce enough that the Red Knot population was decreased by more than 90%. Now, if you visit the Delaware Bay at just the right time, you might see a very large flock of Red Knots. People see this and don't even realize that anything is wrong. This is because they don't have a historical perspective on the species.

People look around and see thousands of pigeons, starlings and house sparrows in the cities and figure that if these birds can survive in the cities, other birds must be doing fine in their country life. This is not so. Bird populations have stress from habitat loss (some birds need large areas of particular types of forest), window crashes, too much nighttime light, feral cats, and pollution. Birds cannot change their migration patterns. They also cannot teach their young about the dangers they will encounter as they migrate.

The second two videos I posted above talk about this same phenomenon happening in the oceans. Fish populations have been reduced and fish size has been reduced. The fish have so much stress to reproduce that they become sexually mature at smaller sizes. Trawling on the ocean floor destroys vast areas with species that have not been named and may never be named. Studies show that when the stress is taken off, these populations are indeed resilient and can spring back. However, there is so much pressure from humans, populations are rarely given the protection they need.

Something that we have recently learned through studies in Yellowstone National Park is that some species are KEY species and it's not always apparent what those species are. The wolf population was very low. The beaver populations were low. Other species were struggling. Interestingly, as the wolf populations recovered due to protection from the gov't, the rest of the food web also began to recover. It's not clear just why this happens, but what is clear is that every species is important.

Evolution is a masterful creator, but it's not fast enough to keep up with the rapid changes that have happened in the last two centuries.

Globally, we have to worry about our melting icecaps and glaciers. Deforestation. Pollution. Loss of key species. Using up our resources (let's face it, once the oil, coal and natural gas are used up, they are gone). The list goes on and on...

Is all hope lost? I don't think so. I believe we should have hope. Nathan and I watched some good documentaries called e-squared. These can be found on the e-squared website. These films do indeed provide hope because there are humans who are working to find innovative solutions to the problems humans have created.

In addition to that, we must remember the slogan, "Think Globally, Act Locally." What can YOU do to make the changes necessary:

1. BE in nature. Go outside as much as you can. Absorb the goodness you find. Ask questions. Observe. Never sit indoors just because the temperature is more constant there. Love it. Share your enthusiasm however you see fit! Remember the book we listened to together, "The Last Child in the Woods," and the slogan that was born from that book, "No Child Left Indoors."

2. View yourself as another species. Not more or less important than any other. Humans have large brains and have been able to harness the world in many ways. But, ask yourself if it should be so. Are we really the most important species? How might you act differently if you answered that question, "no."

3. Recycle anything that CAN be recycled. Even if you want to be lazy and just toss it in the garbage, MAKE yourself recycle.

4. Volunteer at a nature center. Clear out invasive species. Offer to lead bird walks. Help clear trails. The goal of most nature centers is to connect people with nature. When people become connected, they generally soften and become more aware of problems people have created in the environment. Some of these people will become active in caring for the environment in new ways.

5. Stay involved with Audubon. The speakers often share pertinent information about the environment, including changes that are occurring for the better or for the worse. Audubon also hosts field trips, highway clean-ups, and provides a social network of like-minded people.

6. Turn off the lights. Unplug electronics you are not using.

7. Practice, "Leave No Trace." You can go the extra mile on this and take a trash bag with you when you hike the trails for picking up trash.

8. And this belongs higher on the list: CONSERVE WATER!! Turn off the faucet while you brush. Take a short shower. Use water sparingly while rinsing dishes, use a cup instead of drinking out of the faucet.

9. Use less. Before you make a purchase, think long and hard. Do you really need it? Consider putting it on a list for a month before you make the purchase. This will give you time to make a good decision. Donate items you no longer need to a friend who can use it or to a good cause. Everything we have comes from the resources of the earth.

10. Consider donating to a non-profit whose goal is to conserve wildlife, water or other resources. Research before you give your money to make sure your money will be used in a way you agree with. (I will talk more about how you donate money in another letter.)

As you practice these things and remain open to learning new ideas, YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

I've been needing this message myself with all of the bad news I've been hearing. I'm going to try really hard not to let these things get me down! :) Next project, composting worms!

Posted by Cindi M at 9:38 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Letters to my children

Dear Nathan, May, Elijah, Sariah and B (he's going by both Brigham and Benjamin right now, depending on who's talking),


A while back I read a blog post on a friend's blog that has inspired me. I'm going to write you all a series of letters. Let me explain:

This past year, we have been through a tremendous shift in our way of thinking. That is, I have gone through a tremendous shift. We have had many discussions and I think you understand the gist of why I have made the shift.

However, as we have discussed in the past, kids and teens tend to parrot what their parents say at home. We've come in contact with kids talking about politics and can see that they are saying just what they have heard their parents say. I've been guilty of parroting back what I heard, have you?

Your grandparents have expressed concern that you kids will follow suit with whatever Papa and I decide to teach you. They feel like you don't have a chance. (They say this out of love and concern for you and because of their feelings that they have the Truth, so we don't need to be disdainful about this.) They feel like you will never know the Truth because we, your parents have taken you from it. This may be true in some sense. It's probably not terribly likely that any of you will return to the LDS church. However, it's possible and if you choose to do so, I will fully support your decision. I want you to have the chance to think through the issues. Get out your skeptics toolbag, get out your heart, use your brain and away we go.....

When each of you was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we gave you a challenge. We didn't want your baptism to be about us and what we wanted for you. We wanted it to be about your own relationship with God. We asked you to pray and be sure this is what you wanted. This was, in our minds, giving you full choice in the matter. What we forgot to count in were the many, many discussions via Primary, Family Home Evening, scripture study etc. that weighed in on the matter. Not only that, but your friends were being baptized at age 8. What would it have felt like to be the only one in the class who didn't do it? It's a rare child who chooses by themselves to wait for a later baptism. (We don't look back now and wish you never had been baptized. Every experience you have in your life provides opportunity and growth.)

What I have now realized is that it is very difficult to stand on your own, think through or meditate through an issue and make a decision. But, that is exactly what I'm going to ask you to do. I want you to take the time to think, explore, research, question, reason, feel about many different subjects. I want you to see that when you do this, there will be positions you had never considered before. I want you to learn to adjust your thinking, if need be, because of new evidence that has been presented. Or, I want you to learn to hold strong if the evidence doesn't meet your criteria for making a change in your position.

I'm 39 years old. I still haven't learned to do this well. I'm working on it.

As you read through my letters to you, I want you to feel free to pick them apart. I want you to ask questions. I want you to feel spurred on to research on your own if you don't understand. I want you to feel free to seek out people with differing viewpoints and listen to what they have to say about a subject (I will help you find these people if you don't know where to find them). I want you to question your own positions. I want you to ask yourself if you hold that position because your parents hold it or if you have researched or had experiences that support your position. I want you to feel free to discuss deeper with me or point out flaws in my logic.

I will begin writing letters soon. For now, you may read this blog post by my friend Natasha. Oops! Just searched her blog for the post she wrote and I can't find it. Well, instead, read this poem she wrote for her son.

Posted by Cindi M at 10:56 AM 1 comments
Labels: , ,

Monday, March 5, 2012

I'm here!

I've had a few people mention that they've checked my blog and found that there are no new posts. This is true. I haven't even been back to my blog since I wrote the last post.


I recently decided that I DO NOT like social networking on Facebook. In my opinion, Facebooking encourages "I'll spy on you and you spy on me," rather than regular discourse and sharing with friends. At first, I just attempted to put my money where my mouth is and comment on peoples' shares as much as I could. Soon, I realized that with the numbers of friends on my list, I couldn't keep up with it. I narrowed down my friend list, removing people who either never posted, never replied when I tried to talk to them, or never commented on my posts. I did this rather badly without giving people warning. Interestingly, not many people either tried to "re-friend" or emailed to ask why. In this last little while, I've decided that while I like Facebook to get updates on nature centers and museums, photos of Michigan, and updates on other interesting-to-me pages that I have "liked," I really need to pull out of that arena. This time, I sent messages to people as I unfriended them.

In the process of all of this, I realized that my Facebook updates had taken place of journaling for my family on my blog. I thought I might come back here to do some writing. I still think that's a good possibility. One things I really want to do is write a series of letters to my children. This was inspired by another friend who recently used her blog to write a letter to her children for them to read when they are older.

I'll probably also journal some of my thoughts and feelings about leaving the LDS church. A couple people have approached me recently with some discomfort of my different views and the way I was expressing them. I'm glad that they did write to me. It caused me to pause and think a bit. One of the things I would like to explain is that I wasn't posting links on Facebook to attack anyone or their beliefs. I was doing this because I found them interesting, because I agreed with what the link was saying, or because I wanted to reference the article for later use. I can see, though, why people with a certain frame of reference could feel attacked. Future blog posts may also contain information that some people will be sensitive to. I invite you to read if you wish or avoid those posts. I don't mind if you have differing views and want to share those. Just be sure you know that I'm won't be writing these posts AT anyone else, but FOR myself.

What have we been doing in the almost two years since I last wrote?? If I had to sum it up in just a few words: BIRDS, camping, hiking, observing nature, singing, getting good grades, performing, growing up, watching documentaries, shifting paradigms, doing artwork, traveling, attending lectures, going to museums and gardens, participating with Ohio Young Birders and Audubon, playing, discussing politics and religion, loving life.

I hope to find that some of you are still out there, but if not, that's o.k. too because I just need a place to write!

Posted by Cindi M at 11:07 AM 1 comments
Labels: , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)