I'm here!

I've had a few people mention that they've checked my blog and found that there are no new posts. This is true. I haven't even been back to my blog since I wrote the last post.

I recently decided that I DO NOT like social networking on Facebook. In my opinion, Facebooking encourages "I'll spy on you and you spy on me," rather than regular discourse and sharing with friends. At first, I just attempted to put my money where my mouth is and comment on peoples' shares as much as I could. Soon, I realized that with the numbers of friends on my list, I couldn't keep up with it. I narrowed down my friend list, removing people who either never posted, never replied when I tried to talk to them, or never commented on my posts. I did this rather badly without giving people warning. Interestingly, not many people either tried to "re-friend" or emailed to ask why. In this last little while, I've decided that while I like Facebook to get updates on nature centers and museums, photos of Michigan, and updates on other interesting-to-me pages that I have "liked," I really need to pull out of that arena. This time, I sent messages to people as I unfriended them.

In the process of all of this, I realized that my Facebook updates had taken place of journaling for my family on my blog. I thought I might come back here to do some writing. I still think that's a good possibility. One things I really want to do is write a series of letters to my children. This was inspired by another friend who recently used her blog to write a letter to her children for them to read when they are older.

I'll probably also journal some of my thoughts and feelings about leaving the LDS church. A couple people have approached me recently with some discomfort of my different views and the way I was expressing them. I'm glad that they did write to me. It caused me to pause and think a bit. One of the things I would like to explain is that I wasn't posting links on Facebook to attack anyone or their beliefs. I was doing this because I found them interesting, because I agreed with what the link was saying, or because I wanted to reference the article for later use. I can see, though, why people with a certain frame of reference could feel attacked. Future blog posts may also contain information that some people will be sensitive to. I invite you to read if you wish or avoid those posts. I don't mind if you have differing views and want to share those. Just be sure you know that I'm won't be writing these posts AT anyone else, but FOR myself.

What have we been doing in the almost two years since I last wrote?? If I had to sum it up in just a few words: BIRDS, camping, hiking, observing nature, singing, getting good grades, performing, growing up, watching documentaries, shifting paradigms, doing artwork, traveling, attending lectures, going to museums and gardens, participating with Ohio Young Birders and Audubon, playing, discussing politics and religion, loving life.

I hope to find that some of you are still out there, but if not, that's o.k. too because I just need a place to write!

The Old Age of the Earth

The earth is 4.5 billion years old.

All life on earth shares a common ancestor.

Humans and apes share a common ancestor.

---

What comes to mind for you when you hear those ideas? How do you feel? How do you feel about your kids learning about it in school? Why? Do you consider yourself educated on the subject? Why or why not?

Copy Cat

I copied this from Melissa's blog. Thought I'd give it a try. It's either this or stare out the window at dark-eyed Juncos all day long. I feel too lazy to get my camera out and take pictures of the gorgeous snow fall, too lazy to think about anything.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain (Timpanogas in Utah: Joseph and I hiked it with weighty backpacks even!)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (I've been thinking about this one lately, actually)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House (just seen from outside)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life (Joseph's, many times. -- J)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Totally copied a post from someone else's blog to your own

I've Got a European Cold!

I didn't even have to travel to get it, which doesn't seem fair somehow. It seems that a professor at MSU was in Denmark (I might have the country wrong) at some academic meetings and caught this terrible virus, bringing it home to the U.S. Then, some people in Joseph's office were with this professor at some mandatory meetings last week. Joseph told me about it and was feeling lucky not to have caught it himself, since he's a magnet for exotic viruses and homegrown viruses too, for that matter. This weekend, I started having painful joints and general weakness and then yesterday the cold part hit both Joseph and I. Down and out for the count...

The Mighty Mac

Mighty Mac with a freighter passing underneath

Before 1957, the upper and lower peninsulas of Michigan were not connected and ferries were the only way to go back and forth between the two. On November 1, 1957, the Mackinac Bridge (also known as the Big Mac or Mighty Mac) opened. If you go here and read the section called 'Length', there's a lot of technicality explaining why it may or may not be the longest suspension bridge around (this Wikipedia link also includes a lot of pictures of the bridge). Suffice it to say, it's one of the longest suspension bridges in the world. The bridge crosses the Straits of Mackinac, which is where Lake Michigan and Lake Huron meet.


Every year, on Labor Day, one half of the bridge is opened to foot traffic. Other than that, no pedestrians or bikes are allowed on the bridge. Ever since I heard about this tradition, I have wanted to participate. However, the timing isn't great because it's about four hours from our home and school starts the next day. We've never walked the bridge.

I got the great idea this year to go and walk the bridge alone. Just before leaving I had a conversation with my friend, Sue, who told me that she's never had any inclination to walk the bridge due to her fear of heights.



I have a fear of heights as well, but didn't think it would be an issue for me.

As I was nearing the bridge, I stopped on an I-75 rest stop. This particular rest stop had a small hike up to an overlook. I figured, why not, a good excuse to get the blood flowing. The overlook was a platform built up to view across the highway. There was a body of water surrounded by trees (we are talking Michigan, after all). What happened to me up on that platform still gives me the shudders to think about. Due to my very unlucky fear of heights, I got electric nerve impulses to the ends of my fingers and to the ends of my toes that hurt badly. Enough that I had to get outta there quick.

A few miles later, I drove over the bridge and had the same experience, though slightly less painful. That bridge never bothered me when Joseph was driving.


Needless to say, I DID NOT walk the bridge on Labor Day. This just isn't my year to overcome my fear of heights, I guess!

Landlocked!

Nathan looking into a tide pool in Monterey, CA (December '05)

Note: This post is kind-of long, but if you hang in there 'til the end, I'd love to hear your ideas and insights!

Last night I was somehow able to replicate the thin crust, cheesy pizza that I ate on the waterfront in Plymouth. I had to look up the name of the restaurant which is a fixture of downtown Plymouth and serves wonderful food: Mamma Mia's.

I went to high school in Plymouth, MA. Yep, that's right, the rock, the life-size model of the Mayflower, the Plymouth wax museum and Plimoth Plantation (truly, you should visit this place if you ever have the chance!). The waterfront in Plymouth is a lively place in the summer with all of the tourists. I have some wonderful memories of that place.

Thinking about that made me think of coastlines in general. I'll get back to that part in a minute.

I suffer from claustrophobia. I think it might come from when my sisters and I would just about suffocate each other with our orange vinyl bean bags. My case of claustrophobia isn't too bad. For instance, I can fly in an airplane. But, I'm sure my family can relate to me pushing people away. I need space around me at certain times.

Two years ago, when Brigham was born by emergency c-section, they got me on the table and then weighted down my legs. Next a blue curtain was put up in front of my face (too bad, I'd really like to have watched the surgery!), so close that it was almost touching my face. To top it all off I was stressed to the hilt. It was all I could do to use my brain power not to totally freak out and start screaming.

Lately, I've been thinking that way about my house, which is small (I've mentioned it a few times). A few months ago I tried to get rid of things and rearrange things to give us more space. There's only so much you can do and with all the kids running around; it's hard to keep it orderly etc.

But, even more than my house situation, I've been thinking about my landlocked-ness. I'll get back to that in a minute. You'll see how this all ties together.

Yesterday, I watched the last lecture of Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University who recently died of pancreatic cancer. The lecture was titled "Acheiving your childhood dreams." If you have a spare 76 minutes, watch it. It's good (if you are sensitive to language, beware, he does use some).

I got to thinking about what my childhood dreams were. To tell you the truth, I'm not totally sure. I wanted to be a medical doctor from as early as I knew that my favorite color was green (age 3 or 4). I went to BYU and took the Pre-medical Seminar and high tailed it outta there. I DO NOT want to be a medical doctor. Nothing against it in general, but it's not for me.

Side note: As I was thinking about it last night, I think I came to a realization that I have made it a habit in my life (at least in some things) to choose the pathway of least resistance. I don't usually go after things that I don't absolutely know I can get. I'm wondering now, how many ways I've cheated myself.

At any rate, another goal of mine was to study and participate in the field of Marine Biology. I remember being a junior in high school (still had the goal of medical doctor at that point), I got interested and my mom drove me down to Woods Hole, MA to talk to a professor/researcher there about possibilities in the field. I don't remember much of the conversation, but I thought it was really great to be there, bought a t-shirt, the whole bit.

That was a dream that I lived out to the extent it was possible. I studied Marine Biology at BYU (a landlocked university) through a very unique program run by a talented professor. I studied in heaven: Monterey Bay, California.

I don't feel finished with that dream and recently I've been wondering what to do about it. Joseph and I have discussed it and it's a hard decision. There are many factors to consider. Where would we like to live (lots of coast here in the grand ole U.S.A.)? What are Joseph's childhood dreams that he'd like to live out? What is best for our kids? Given that it's been 14 years since I received my B.S. and 11 years since I quit my Masters program, what can I even do? Will I really be happier with trying to live out that dream, or should I try to make do with what I have, having recently learned a lot about synthesized happiness? Can I be just as happy focusing on helping other people develop childhood dreams and live them out?

(I always knew I'd be a mother, but I'm living out an unimagined dream of a house full of five kiddos. How about the pieces of life that I'm living or have lived that weren't part of my dreams? That's sort-of a separate category since life always throws us twists and turns. It's part of the nature of being human.)

I don't expect anyone else to answer these questions for me, but I'm really interested in discussion about childhood dreams and what you've seen of nice stretches of coastline.

Anything But Consistent

Another one of my character flaws has jumped from within the recesses of...well, I guess I had hidden it only from myself. Most everyone else is sure to know about it.

I was replying to an e-mail today. I got chatting with a friend about reading and decided to bore her with the history of my reading. (I forgot to mention the guilt that I carry around of being the only one of my siblings with whom my mom spent considerable time reading while my older sister was away at Kindergarten and before my younger sister was born). As it turns out, it was the typing of this droning monologue that captured my attention to my own inconsistency. I love to read, but I do it in spurts. I have a short memory for things like movies and books, so I have to move through them quickly or else I forget half of it and have to start over. Then I move on to some other hobby that fancies me for the moment. I don't have one underlying theme that I come back to all the time.

I'd like to say that hobbies are the only category that suffers in this way, but as I'm working to unfold the truth, I see this carries over into many areas. For instance, some months back I was patting myself on the back because over a period of about a week, I had consistently been involving at least one kid in the kitchen with me while cooking and baking. That fell by the wayside and I didn't even realize it. Today, May asked me if she could make her own (ahem!) Ramen noodles. That's the extent of any of my kids' cooking skills. I told her she could and still had to give her some pointers. She came into the living room sort-of smuggish and sat down to wait for her water to boil. I got up a few minutes later to a kitchen filled with natural gas! It seems she didn't have the technique down for turning on the gas stove top.

Discipline. There are times when I feel like I'm doing a good job and have a bag full of arsenal for the disobedient child. My favorite is to have two fighting children sit on the couch together until they are friends. My kids hate this because they want a definite time period. I pleasantly say, "Nope, stay until you are friends," while inside I'm snickering at the whole situation. I've got a list of these "nice" little consequences on my fridge. Time will go on and suddenly I'm jolted by the fact that I've been yelling to get their attention again. I'll read the list on the fridge and wonder who wrote them.

I heard it described before as "consistent at being inconsistent." Maybe it's the human plight. Maybe I'm unique? Finally, I've found my niche! I'm not really bothered by this new information about myself. I'm just not sure the knowledge is enough for change. Maybe I'll just push it back into the abyss...

My Graduation Which Leads to Exhibit A (below)

I can't believe it. I have to post about my graduation. I have moved on in life to the place where I can go out into my yard, leaving all the little kiddies inside and do yard work. That is just what I did this morning. Then, later, I told Elijah he was making lunch today and gave him some instructions. I stayed out in the yard from about 11 am until 2 pm! Wow!

What was I doing, you ask? Well, I was planting seeds. It's the end of June and I'm just getting around to it. Planting seeds means being committed to watering every day which is hard for me. I dislike being tied to the hose. But, so it is and I hope we have some great color here soon.

Now for Exhibit A:


I'll never be a hand model now!

There's never an A without a B. It's just not proper form, but I can't reach around my arm with the camera to take a picture of my wasp sting. Those evil insects traumatize me!

How To Break a Blogger's Slump

Alisa posted this fun activity on her blog and since I become exceedingly bored when I think of sitting down to blog and this actually seemed fun, I did it. Read below the mosaic to get the instructions:


The concept:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

The Questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name

THIS IS WHERE THE CREDITS FOR THE PHOTOS GO!! My computer was sluggish and just at the time I was supposed to select and paste the HTML for the credits, it totally froze up (before I saved it to my flickr account). Here are my search words. If you paste them into flickr, you will find the pictures I borrowed. 1. Cindi 2. watermelon 3. Plymouth North High School 4. Green 5. Gregory Peck 6. Diet Coke 7. Seychelle Islands 8. Brownie Torte 9. Grandma 10. Serenity 11. Stressed 12. Moonflower

lights, CAMERA, action

I feel like I'm "ruining up" (kid quote) Joseph's high definition video camera taking stills. The problem is that a visit to the menu is required for each change in lighting, subject distance, etc. The button I have to press to run the menus is getting tired. I feel guilty because though this camera is far superior to our other (much older) digital camera, it is intended for video and it's wearing out without many videos to show for it. I prefer still photography, though I know next to nothing about it, so I don't bother with video very often. Usually only to answer the call, "Mom! Come take a video of this!"

My old camera is something like 3.2 Megapixels and even though this isn't always the best measure of a digital camera, in this case it does stop me up a little bit. I can't blow my photos up from that camera, even to a 5 x 7 size. In fact, even my phone's camera does better than that (outdoors, anyway).

I've spent some time reading today at this website:

http://www.dpreview.com

I started to read reviews of cameras when I was told that I might want to spend some time in the glossary. Um, yeah. I have a lot to learn and can't even read reviews written by photographers because of it.

I like reading reviews and once I'm educated, I believe I'll read quite a few. I have a pre-reading pick for a new camera. It will be interesting if I stick with that one (Nikon D40). I also really like hearing from people I know, so if you have a favorite camera, or if you've been oogling a new camera, tell me about it. What sells you on that particular brand and make (price is probably a heavy factor)? Also, do you have a favorite website for buying a camera? I've heard not to get trapped by supposed discounters which give you a killer deal on the camera and then catch you on all the extras.

Finally, who do you use to process your photos? I've tried Snapfish and Clark Labs online recently. I got some 11 x 14's made up and was very happy with how they turned out.

Gardening, Gardening

Lovely. My house is full of carpenter ants. I just told Joseph that he is lucky to go to work. I have a creepy crawly feeling all over my skin. Didn't know that carpenter ants would go for the honey. How does that relate to gardening? Even though I didn't feel like it, I went outside today to get away from those gross BIG ants to dig.

I have to do this every year. I have lots of perennials and they look great, but I also have a lot of open dirt for planting seeds of annuals. By this time of year, there are tall grasses, seedlings from plants that seeded the previous year, dandelions, clover, etc. invading my precious free dirt. I have to dig through that dirt to get rid of what I don't want and prepare the ground for what I do want.

So, because of all the organizing I've been doing inside my house, the outside needs some work (last year's herb garden and vegetable garden):

Can you tell where the grass ends and the gardens begin?

And here they are again after two hours of digging. Notice that the regular garden hasn't changed one bit. Sariah wants a pumpkin patch, but I know that I don't want to keep all that ground free of weeds, so I'm not so sure. Joseph??

The birds have not yet found our feeders we put out a week ago.

I had no idea that the basil and thyme were perennials. There was plenty of dill grown from last year's seeds and also some cilantro. I found this cute little English daisy among the clover and grass:


Despite lots of insect repellent, there were plenty of mosquitoes and gnats buzzing around me AND when I was done I had to shovel at least an inch of mud off the bottom of my gardening shoes.


The promise of fruits to come later:

We're trying potted tomatoes this year as we've had a horrible time with tomato plants almost every year!

Teacher Ts 2007-08

Nathan's teacher loves to fish!

May's teacher has done several amazing things with her kids this year!

Elijah's classroom mascot is the MONKEYS!

The back says "Thanks from your 2007-08 Class" and I give the shirts with a set of fabric markers so that the teachers can have the kids sign the back. It was a hit last year!

Dear Mr. Norton,

Since I'm now just counting down the seconds until I'm one day older and hopefully a few days richer, I can dedicate a few computer minutes to a letter to Mr. Norton:

Dear Mr. Norton,

I can't please you. I'll never be able to please you, so I'm writing to say that, "I GIVE UP!" I hope this doesn't make you any redder or more obnoxious, but that you will carve a place in your understanding code heart to put up with a human being who wishes to ignore you.

Each day I turn on my computer I have a whole slew of things I have to do before my computer can even function. This may be more Microsoft's fault than yours. I'll write Mr. Microsoft later to tell him that no deep discount will ever induce me to buy his terrible computers or computer copy-cats again. Having down-loaded maybe one too many free software packages has caused a few glitches. First I have to turn off my pop-up protect so that I can use blogger (a must!), then I have to open my 'windows task manager' and end a tiny little process that my internet searches tell me belong to you, Mr. Norton. BECAUSE IT'S SUCKING UP ABOUT 98% OF MY CPU USAGE!!!!

I really can't get much of my work done that way. And my work, you see, is changing the world. I'm downloading photos, editing them, writing blogs posts and e-mails, and doing internet shopping to redecorate my house. You can see how (at least my corner of) the world is becoming a better place bit by bit!

Then, because I turned a piece of you off, I see this annoying little red icon with a "!" in it. This tells me that you want my attention. But, no matter how much attention I give you. No matter how many times I let you search for new updates or scan my hard drive, you persist. I can't do this anymore. You will have to be patient and wait your turn.

I used to be the kind of girl who would listen to you every time. The larger left brained part of me HAD to listen to you. But, I've been expanding the right side of my brain and it now tells me that I don't have to listen to pesky little you. I can go on my merry way, glimpsing blue sky, smelling blossoms, and listening to birds chirping.

Please understand.

Sincerely,

Cindi

A Love-Hate Relationship with my Bathroom

But, first, a couple of thoughts.

The sky is a lovely cerulean blue today and it's about 60 degrees and breezy. I simply have to share this information with someone.

Me: The sky is cerulean blue today.

Joseph: What color is that?

Me: Well, it's the color of the City trash bins, but a little more sky-ey. Know what I mean?

---

Sariah was playing around with the gummy worms I bought her (another shopping bribe) and was breaking them in to pieces to make a family.

Sariah (playing with her worm family): What? The baby has come?!! I can't believe the baby is already here. (Dad voice) Oh, look, the baby, I think I'm going to eat her. (Mom voice) NO! You can't eat her, she's our baby!!!

---

I am a ball of anger bouncing around the world. This is probably due to my coming off my medication. Joseph very kindly asked me if it was worth it to come off of the medication. I can't answer him. It's not time yet. I need more time.

---

Did you know that ants protect the peony blossoms until they are ready to bloom? I think they protect them from wasps laying their eggs, but I could be wrong. The ants benefit because there is some kind of sweet stuff they eat on the peonies. It's been a long time since I read about it and I don't have time to research it now. Still, every year when I see this it amazes me. Luckily I read about this before the first time I ever saw it because I'm definitely someone who would have set out to eradicate the ants if I didn't know better.

---

Nathan took the camera outside yesterday because he wanted to try to photograph some birds. He got a great shot here of a male and female cardinal. Can you find them both?

---

Now, for my bathroom.

When we were searching for houses, there were really only three or four in our price range contrasting to the hundreds of similar houses for sale like ours now. Limited choices can be a good thing. This house was the best of the three, but we still had some concerns because the inspector told us that there had been standing water in the basement, despite the owner insisting otherwise. I'm a worrier. Joseph was probably pestered to death during that time because I really wanted this house, but I also really didn't want problems.


On our second time through the house, I noticed something. The bathroom walls had a pattern on them. The then-owner had sponge painted this pattern onto the wall with a sea sponge. She had used three colors. Cornflower blue, moss green and a dark mauve color. While I'm really not very fond of the walls in my bathroom, something hit me about those colors. Those were the exact colors of the towels we have. I'm not kidding. We had at least two or three of each of those color towels including hand towels, rugs, and wash cloths.

To me, this qualified as a sign. It meant that things would be o.k. if we bought this new house. You know what? Looking back over nine years, we've had some problems, even some water in the basement, but I don't regret buying this house. I think it was a good decision.

---

P.S. It's really hard to redecorate a bathroom when there's only one in the house. I'll be waiting until we have more than one bathroom to paint over the sponge painting. Until then, it's a good reminder that God is watching out for me. He always has and He always will.

Luxury Bed Sheets

This morning on the way to dropping the kids off for school, Sariah asked me, "What are bed bugs?" I managed to thoroughly confuse her on the matter as she kept correcting my descriptions by saying things like, "No, those are mosquitos." "No, those are moths." Thankfully, my bed does not harbor any of those little public health concerns. Which leads me to my topic ... bed sheets.

Back when I was going off to college, my mom gave me a primer in buying bed sheets. Never buy anything less than 180 thread count (TC). Less than 180 TC will pill up and be uncomfortable. Any of you parents ever bought the character sheets for your kids? Don't we know it! I think those sheets usually run about 130 TC. I'm obviously quite naive when it comes to sheets though, because I never put much more thought than that to buying them. I knew that there were "luxury" sheets selling for exorbitant prices. I thought maybe it was just the labeling?

Joseph and I have had our same sheets for a long time. I'm sure both sets are around 200 TC and 8-9 years old. One is a forest green color and the other a maroon color. I hate them. I must sound very fickle with my qualms about bed sheets when there are typhoons and earthquakes destroying everything in sight around the world. At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself. It hasn't worked so far as you will see.

I bought a set of sage green 200 TC sheets last week from Walmart. I walked around until I found the least expensive sheets and then made sure the thread count was acceptable. I was surprised to find that they even sell 130 TC sheets and they were more expensive than the ones I picked up! Then this weekend, I did a Google search for bed sheets, I can't remember why exactly, and ended up at Overstock.com. Wow! I never realized that there were 300, 400, 500, 600, 1000, even 1200 thread count sheets. A whole world has opened up to me that I never knew existed. I believe this is one of the reasons we are cautioned against too much web-surfing!

I looked around on there for a while and read some reviews. I learned that some people like sateen sheets rather than satin because with sateen, they don't fall out of bed. A hilarious mind-picture. I learned that high thread count sheets in cotton are a mess of wrinkles coming out of the drier. Some people iron, some people throw them on the bed, some people just live with the wrinkles because of the luxurious feel of their sheets, some people leave poor reviews that say, "DO NOT BUY THESE SHEETS!"

Well suddenly, my sage green 200 count bed sheets were not good enough for me. I picked them up and ran my hand over them. What? Is that a scratchy feeling? I can't sleep in that! I simply must have luxury sheets!! Plus Overstock.com is telling me that the retail price of these sheets is $199.99, but they are selling them for $46.99. My Walmart sheets were $11.00 for the flat, $11.00 for the fitted, and $5.50 for the pillowcases. About half of what I'd be paying for my luxury sheets. With shipping only $2.95, I decided to go for it. I chose ivory sheets with a 500 TC. They are on the way as I type...

P.S. From what I can tell, overstock.com's prices are really quite good if you are looking for high count bed sheets. It was a little tricky finding the size and color I wanted which is why I settle on ivory. Plus you can't beat their shipping. We are also considering buying some memory foam to get some more life out of our mattress. Those things are heavy and shipping is still only $2.95.

A Card, a Message and a ZING!

This blog post is more spiritual in nature, but I feel like posting it here rather than my other blog.

Joseph and I have made each other some cards over the years. It started when we were dating and he made me a card for something or other. I was really impressed! He drew a funny little heel on the back of the card with the label "Heelmark: For when you can't afford to send Hallmark." College students...!

After he made me a few spectacular cards, I caught on and made some of my own. I've run across some of our cards recently. Today, I ran across this one that I made some years ago and the message was for me:



Have you ever had that feeling where some idea was trying to get through to you and then suddenly ZING! you got it? There's an idea floating around time and space for me right now, but the ZING isn't happening. I'm too collapsed, fearful and spending my energy trying to ward it off.

I'm going to try deep breathing!

Good-bye Zoloft!

And this time, just so you know, it's for good!

I actually have no idea how big the stigma is for the mentally ill. I've heard it exists and I've heard things said, but I guess, since I am on the inside, I see it differently. I have no problem telling you that I've been on Zoloft for about 6 years and I've been in therapy for 5 years. I think of myself as a sort-of normalish person with some issues.

I never got an actual diagnosis from my therapist. He doesn't handle things that way. I know from a medical standpoint that I was given Zoloft for depression and anxiety from my family doctor. The anxiety came on in the middle of a pregnancy and it was so terrible I felt like I needed to get out of my skin or climb walls or something. I think I'd trade anxiety for depression any day. I'd been suffering from depression, maybe since third grade or so (ugh!), but didn't really know it. I definitely had post-partum depression, but didn't get help, maybe because of the stigma!? Maybe because it's hard to ask for help.

Contributing factors:

Family history
Seasonal Affective Disorder (a big deal here in MI where there are a lot of grey days)
Pregnancy and the aftermath (hormones)
Low thyroid function
Bad diet habits
Plus some other things that I won't go into on my blog

I've gone off the medication twice before. The first time was a disaster because neither I nor my Dr. realized that a person had to wean themselves off this medication. I spent a whole month dizzy and thinking it was something else, like a sinus/inner ear issue. Plus, after about a month I realized I just wasn't emotionally ready to do it.



The second time I cut my tablet down and down until finally stopping altogether and that was much more successful. I think I would have been o.k. but I unexpectedly got pregnant with Brigham and needed to go back on the medication part way through the pregnancy. I actually cried before I took that first pill.

Several things are on my side this time!

::I'm a happier person than I ever have been before.

::Spring is here with summer to follow. We will see more sunny skies.

::I just began exercising again last week, so I've got the endorphins.

::I'm starting to eat better too.

::I'm clearing out my house. Less clutter, open space, cleanliness will feel better.

::I'm planning to have a really fun summer with my kids. We are beach bound!

::My doctor is really serious about getting my thyroid under control and I'll visit her every six weeks until we get this all ironed out.

The Picture of (Im)Perfect Health

And so opens another chapter of my life to the semi-public.

I had a Dr. appointment last week. The news was really not good. Though my blood pressure tested normal, it is actually high which is really not normal for my age. I have high cholesterol. My thyroid, which is under-functioning, has some bumps on it. I had an ultrasound today and I'll get results for that in a week. I'm OVER-weight. :(( <---that's a double chin frowny. I have about fifty pounds to lose. At the end of last summer, I had lost forty of those fifty pounds. Then a combination of my low thyroid (a.k.a gland problems) and some emotional baggage that I had to deal with, I gained it back at a rate of five pounds per month. The sad news is that even with taking Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone) at the right dose, I still have to lose weight just like anyone else. Hopefully the weight loss will affect both the cholesterol and the blood pressure. And hopefully I don't have a cancerous thyroid gland. Last summer I had people cheering me on in my weight loss and my good friend, Shelley, who just happens to be a personal trainer/fitness guru, really gave me a lot of good tips. Well, I'm getting started again. Joseph and I are planning a trip to Guatemala as a carrot at the end of the stick.

I'm looking for a widget for my sidebar. The one I have so far won't work because it's too wide and not adjustable (see below). Anyone know of a good one? And any of you who want to offer encouragement, go right ahead!

Help! This is Harder than it Looks: A Hike Down the Trail of Reminiscence

After taking a break yesterday, I'm back on the warpath of removing schtuff. After moving our 72 hour kits to one of the shelves that Joseph built on Saturday, I proceeded into our room. This is the closet that holds the binders of college notes. It wasn't that hard to get rid of the Stats notes. Don't get me wrong. I actually loved Statistics. They say it's all in the teacher you get. Dr. Hilton was a fabulous teacher. He patiently and sometimes not so patiently (he was sarcastic, so I was right at home) explained the principles. During our take-home exams, he'd allow us into his office to ask him questions about the exam if we didn't understand the question. I remember more than one time, he actually gave the answer right to me! Still, the notes don't mean much to me, so many matrices, so little time!

Then I found my advanced invertebrate notes and my notes from when I studied in Monterey, CA at Stanford's Hopkins Marine Station. These notes are more than notes. They are works of art. Dr. Lee Braithwaite taught these classes. He was the kind of professor that expects you to write down every word he said and then memorize it all. That was exactly what I did. He'd give your hand a break every now and then by drawing a diagram on the board (which you were also expected to copy to the last detail and memorize). See below:





One day, he didn't have time to give the lecture and color-photocopied his own notes for us. Get a load of this:


I don't think I can get rid of these notes. They are a part of me.

Every year Dr. Braithwaite chose 16-17 students to go with him to Monterey. Someone dropped out last minute in 1993 (just four short months after my marriage) and Dr. Braithwaite offered me their place. Joseph agreed to let me go (Thanks Joseph!). Once we got our classroom set up, we started having lectures, waiting for low tides at the right times to go on our 8-9 field trips. We'd get up EARLY to hit the low low tide. One morning we'd be at the Great Tide Pool looking at nudibranchs, sponges, sea stars, and chipping barnacles off the rocks for research. Another morning, we'd be on the mud flats digging up the worm Urechis caupo and looking for his roommates the crab and the fish (sorry, I have forgotten the Genus and species of those). We dissected specimens and drew them. We got water samples and looked at and drew the microscopic plankton creatures. We induced sand dollars to release their eggs and sperm and then watched as the larvae developed: one cell, two cells, etc. The divers brought up a holdfast from the large kelp that grows in Monterey Bay and we collected the octupi, crabs, brittle stars, etc. that were living inside. Good memories. I love invertebrate sea animals!

I also found my slides of my fish (Redside shiner) and the larval tapeworm that invaded them which I was studying for my Master's Thesis. Good stuff.

Was I really that person back then? Since I have always been a stay-at-home mom, I've never really used that stuff and I've all but lost it. Well, I'm keeping those notes! I can use them to prove to my kids that I actually went to college and used my brain cells!

A $300 Haircut

Due to the fact that I was very tired yesterday from my decluttering efforts (and secretly due to the fact that I might be a little behind Joseph in value of services provided) and because he wouldn't pose properly for the before picture, I'm charging extra for my barber services. The supply and demand principles of economics were still in play. It was past closing time at Fantastic Sam's.

Before:


After: