Good-bye Zoloft!

And this time, just so you know, it's for good!

I actually have no idea how big the stigma is for the mentally ill. I've heard it exists and I've heard things said, but I guess, since I am on the inside, I see it differently. I have no problem telling you that I've been on Zoloft for about 6 years and I've been in therapy for 5 years. I think of myself as a sort-of normalish person with some issues.

I never got an actual diagnosis from my therapist. He doesn't handle things that way. I know from a medical standpoint that I was given Zoloft for depression and anxiety from my family doctor. The anxiety came on in the middle of a pregnancy and it was so terrible I felt like I needed to get out of my skin or climb walls or something. I think I'd trade anxiety for depression any day. I'd been suffering from depression, maybe since third grade or so (ugh!), but didn't really know it. I definitely had post-partum depression, but didn't get help, maybe because of the stigma!? Maybe because it's hard to ask for help.

Contributing factors:

Family history
Seasonal Affective Disorder (a big deal here in MI where there are a lot of grey days)
Pregnancy and the aftermath (hormones)
Low thyroid function
Bad diet habits
Plus some other things that I won't go into on my blog

I've gone off the medication twice before. The first time was a disaster because neither I nor my Dr. realized that a person had to wean themselves off this medication. I spent a whole month dizzy and thinking it was something else, like a sinus/inner ear issue. Plus, after about a month I realized I just wasn't emotionally ready to do it.



The second time I cut my tablet down and down until finally stopping altogether and that was much more successful. I think I would have been o.k. but I unexpectedly got pregnant with Brigham and needed to go back on the medication part way through the pregnancy. I actually cried before I took that first pill.

Several things are on my side this time!

::I'm a happier person than I ever have been before.

::Spring is here with summer to follow. We will see more sunny skies.

::I just began exercising again last week, so I've got the endorphins.

::I'm starting to eat better too.

::I'm clearing out my house. Less clutter, open space, cleanliness will feel better.

::I'm planning to have a really fun summer with my kids. We are beach bound!

::My doctor is really serious about getting my thyroid under control and I'll visit her every six weeks until we get this all ironed out.

The Picture of (Im)Perfect Health

And so opens another chapter of my life to the semi-public.

I had a Dr. appointment last week. The news was really not good. Though my blood pressure tested normal, it is actually high which is really not normal for my age. I have high cholesterol. My thyroid, which is under-functioning, has some bumps on it. I had an ultrasound today and I'll get results for that in a week. I'm OVER-weight. :(( <---that's a double chin frowny. I have about fifty pounds to lose. At the end of last summer, I had lost forty of those fifty pounds. Then a combination of my low thyroid (a.k.a gland problems) and some emotional baggage that I had to deal with, I gained it back at a rate of five pounds per month. The sad news is that even with taking Synthroid (synthetic thyroid hormone) at the right dose, I still have to lose weight just like anyone else. Hopefully the weight loss will affect both the cholesterol and the blood pressure. And hopefully I don't have a cancerous thyroid gland. Last summer I had people cheering me on in my weight loss and my good friend, Shelley, who just happens to be a personal trainer/fitness guru, really gave me a lot of good tips. Well, I'm getting started again. Joseph and I are planning a trip to Guatemala as a carrot at the end of the stick.

I'm looking for a widget for my sidebar. The one I have so far won't work because it's too wide and not adjustable (see below). Anyone know of a good one? And any of you who want to offer encouragement, go right ahead!