You are there, I am here

I started a 'Spiritual' blog for just a subject as this. I started it back in April and actually wrote some posts. Since that time, I have fallen into an abyss that is religious and spiritual in nature. It's not that I've lost my way entirely, it's just that I'm swirling around a little bit and working on a puzzle that's been in my life since I was a little kid. This puzzle involves trying to understand how pieces of the secular world fit together with the spiritual world.

I have topics that I'm willing to put on the shelf. I'll think, "This will be the first question I ask when I get to the other side." This topic is important enough to me that I'm willing to struggle over it. I'm willing to try to throw out some ideas that I accumulated over childhood to try to fit some pieces together. Interestingly, some of the ideas from childhood that I've held fiercely to, don't have any doctrinal significance (and certainly no worldly significance).

At some point I may discuss this topic on my blog, but for now it's too vulnerable an issue to me. Joseph has become my sounding board and does such a wonderful job at it!

At any rate, this and some other life circumstances have put some distance between me and God. To be fair, He hasn't gone anywhere, I have. I have retained the understanding of the importance of reading God's word, prayer and certain Sunday ritual, but I haven't always put those things to use in this difficult time. It seems an easy answer to just do those things and then other things will fall into place. I don't know if I'm lazy or if I'm just having a struggle with topics that are diverse (spiritual vs. secular). To compound the matter, there are very few non-biased speakers on this particular subject and the rift between the ideas seems so wide and so deep, I sometimes lose hope of being able to cross it. Bouncing back and forth between canyon walls that seem miles apart is dizzying and exhausting mentally.

In my mind, I become the heroine of a fantasy novel. I'm the one who has all the required gifts and knowledge to cross this large canyon and the well-being of my little kingdom depends on me to do it! In reality, that's laughable, but hey, I've been reading a lot of fantasy lately!

I should probably move on to the real topic of my post right about now. The spiritual ritual in question here is prayer. This is the one area I've put the most effort to be consistent. One night a couple of weeks ago, I lay in my bed and just couldn't seem to put words together for a prayer. I finally managed out the words, "You are there and I am here," and that was my prayer that night. At first, it seemed pretty weak to me. I thought about it again the other day and realized that it might actually have been a strength. The acknowledgment that God is in his heaven and I am still here struggling might have been the truest prayer that I have prayed in a long time.

P.S. If you want to comment and don't feel comfortable leaving it in the comments section, feel free to e-mail me.