Recent discussions at BSA about policy

Hearing that the Boy Scouts of American is considering allowing openly gay boys to join lightened my day last week.  However, for other people it isn't good news.  I challenge people of all ways of thinking to read an alternate viewpoint.

I feel I'm a good candidate to write about this subject because I used to be one of the people who wouldn't have taken news like this as good news.  And, I will keep this civil.  Please don't read any sarcasm into the message.

For as long as I can remember, I've learned that homosexuality is a sin in God's eyes.  I was taught that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of the sins of homosexuality.  I was opposed to it and viewed it as a choice.  For a while I was hateful about it (that just shows what a judger I am).  The hatefulness changed when I needed to teach my children, "We love all people, but we don't have to love their choices."  I taught my kids that homosexuality is a choice and that it is wrong because God says it is.

A few years ago, my sister began discussing the topic with me.  It was a hot topic that made me uncomfortable.  She knows a lady whose twin sister is a lesbian.  She talked with me about the emotional pain that this family feels because of the way that people judge.  She talked to me about how their church came to their door and asked them for over ten thousand dollars to support their Proposition 8 cause.  I couldn't imagine being the parent of a child who you love so much and basically being asked to fight against that child's lifestyle.  I  felt glad that I wasn't in that position and didn't try very hard to put myself in their shoes.  I still felt like my church had the answers from God.  I read the Proclamation on the Family and felt comforted in my positions (is this confirmation bias?)

Then, my husband got to talking to me about it.  He had put a lot of thought into it without discussing with me.  He had come to the conclusion that church leaders in the past had been wrong about blacks, so they just might be wrong about the LGBT community.  This really gave me a catch in my throat, both of anger and of sadness.  I didn't like to hear him say that.  I remember telling him that my church would never change their mind about gays because God was behind it.  I remember not being able to talk about it too much because I felt animosity about the subject and was afraid of what I might say to him if I allowed myself the conversation.

Both of these two conversations left me feeling strange, but I was still holding the same position.  I held this position even though I was aware of the science out there.  I knew that work was being done in the field of biology and genetics trying to answer why some men and some women are attracted to the same sex.  Still, I held to my faithful answer.

Still later, and totally by surprise, I ran into this topic again.

We had been at a May Erlewine concert (our favorite Michigan folk singer) and she sang a new song called, "We are Powerful."  I decided to search online and see if perhaps a video was available so that I could listen to the song again since it wasn't yet out on CD (there is a video now, just in case you care to listen, it's an amazing song!).  I didn't find the song, but I did find the blog of a faithful LDS lady (because she also just happens to love May Erlewine, though she was in Alberta!)

Her blog contained posts about difficult (for me) subjects.  She wrote about the LGBT community and feminists.  She wrote in an open, vulnerable way but also with clear statements and good logic.  I wish I could share her blog posts here, but her blog has been taken down.  She wrote with such humanity about people, PEOPLE who are gay and lesbian.  She wrote about what it would be like to be attracted to the same sex but be told that you are wrong for that.  These people are told by churches that their attraction is wrong and that they are the ones making the choice.  They are told that God will punish them if they act on that choice.  They are told, essentially, that they can't have the "true love" that heterosexuals enjoy.

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Stop for a minute, if you are a heterosexual and remember back to the day when you chose to be a heterosexual.  Think about when you looked at a girl and at a boy and they were equally attractive, but you chose to be attracted to someone of the opposite sex.  Be honest with yourself.  Is this the way it went down?

What if you tried to put yourself in the shoes of a homosexual brother or sister?  What if whatever settings they have, be they biological, genetic or environmental, these people are only attracted to the same sex (I'm not getting into bisexual here, just for the sake of keeping it simple)?  What happens if that person then forces themselves into a heterosexual mind frame?  Will they be happier?  Will they be fulfilled?  Will God make it alright?

I have known people who are homosexuals try to be heterosexual.  Of course, I can't speak for everyone, but in general this is not a good outcome.  It's not fair to either party.  Imagine being married to someone who "chose" heterosexuality, but is not really attracted to you.  Even if you are good friends and can raise kids together, would there be something missing?  Would your kids pick up on the "something missing?"  Would that affect their later lives?  Does it matter?

There's more, it's not all about sex.  It's actually offensive to many gays and lesbians to be referred to as homosexual.  Heterosexual people seem to have a fixation with the word SEX.
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Back to these blog posts and how they affected me.   I started to become open to the idea that gays and lesbians deserved the same kind of love that I have in my life.  I started to become open to the idea that they deserve the same rights.

I wondered if giving gays rights would mean that more people would become gay.  See, I still wasn't understanding that you don't choose to be gay.  I did more research about the percentage of people who are gay.

I found startling statistics and stories about people who didn't feel like they could "come out" as gay and ended up committing suicide due to bullying or due to not feeling like they could be the person they truly are.

I thought about my own kids.  Here's the clincher.  For just a minute, try to allow for the assumption that a gay person doesn't choose it.  Try to allow for their biology or genetics making that decision for them.  Next, think about your own kids.  Think about what you teach them about homosexuality.  Then, imagine if one of your kids unbeknownst to you was same sex attracted or bisexual (for this thought experiment, remember that you have to hold in your head that your child didn't choose this).  How would they feel?  What if you didn't find out until it was too late?  What if you, your church, or society at large were able to shame them into "choosing" heterosexuality?  Would your child be happy?  Would God make it alright?

I don't really care if I change any minds today.  It took a long time before my mind changed.

A couple more questions before you go:

What if the prophets of today are as wrong about LGBT as the prophets of the previous two centuries were about black people?  

Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses:

"You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind....Cain slew his brother.  Cain might have been killed, and that would have put a termination to that line of human beings.  This was not to be, and the Lord put a  mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 7, p. 290).

"In our first settlement in Missouri, it was said by our enemies that we intended to tamper with the slaves, not that we had any idea of the kind, for such a thing never entered our minds. We knew that the children of Ham were to be the "servant of servants," and no power under heaven could hinder it, so long as the Lord would permit them to welter under the curse and those were known to be our religious views concerning them." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 2, p. 172).

"Shall I tell you the law of God in regard to the African race? If the white man who belongs to the chosen seed mixes his blood with the seed of Cain, the penalty, under the law of God, is death on the spot. This will always be so." (Journal of Discourses, vol. 10, p. 110).

John Taylor, Journal of Discourses:

"And after the flood we are told that the curse that had been pronounced upon Cain was continued through Ham's wife, as he had married a wife of that seed. And why did it pass through the flood? Because it was necessary that the devil should have a representation upon the earth as well as God; and that man should be a free agent to act for himself, and that all men might have the opportunity of receiving or rejecting the truth, and be governed by it or not according to their wishes and abide the result; and that those who would be able to maintain correct principles under all circumstances, might be able to associate with the Gods in the eternal worlds." (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 22 page 304).

Joseph Fielding Smith, Juvenile Instructor:

“It is very clear that the mark which was set upon the descendants of Cain was a skin of blackness... It has been noticed in our day that men who have lost the spirit of the Lord, and from whom His blessings have been withdrawn, have turned dark to such an extent as to excite the comments of all who have known them.”

Bruce McConkie, Mormon Doctrine:

“Negroes in this life are denied the priesthood; under no circumstances can they hold this delegation of authority from the Almighty.  The gospel message of salvation is not carried affirmatively to them.... Negroes are not equal with other races where the receipt of certain spiritual blessings are concerned...”


What if this is not a "moral" issue at all, but a policy issue as it apparently was with the blacks?

In 1954, Church President David O. McKay taught: "There is not now, and there never has been a doctrine in this church that the negroes are under a divine curse. There is no doctrine in the church of any kind pertaining to the negro. We believe that we have a scriptural precedent for withholding the priesthood from the negro. It is a practice, not a doctrine, and the practice someday will be changed. And that's all there is to it.’


Would being around a gay person, make another person gay, or have influence over their choices (or in other words, why is everyone so scared)?

I believe the resounding answer to this question is no.  I have seen that being around gay people gives actual gay people the courage to speak out and feel accepted.  I don't see this as a negative.  People who are allowed to feel accepted instead of shameful can do more good in the world!