Myself

It is so hard for me to take myself to the doctor, the eye doctor, the dentist, the hair stylist. My mom had no problem taking care of us kids. She took us to the doctor when we needed it (like the time I was one year old when I picked up a black widow spider and smooshed it). She took me to the eye doctor every year without fail. We had a family dentist who is still a favorite of mine, Dr. Pitt. I never heard anything but good about this man and his jolly demeanor made me like visits to the dentist. My mom cut my hair up until it just wasn't cool to have your mom cut your hair anymore and then took me to the salon on a regular basis for cuts and perms. She and my dad also bought me all the hairspray my puff of bangs could ever have wanted.

But, my mom had to be nearly dead to take herself to the doctor. (I'm not saying this to put her down.) She cut her own hair, didn't seem to go to the eye doctor or dentist.

Now that I'm an adult, I can understand a little more of why.

It's almost impossible to go to the doctor, dentist, hair stylist, etc. with kids in tow. I've done a little bit of it and it's not usually pleasant. Even when the kids were good, it is usually because I used a tremendous amount of energy entertaining them or getting ready to go so that things would be just so. (Some people seem to have a talent for this; these things don't get in their way.)

It's hard to go to appointments when you know that you can go, but you will have to find child care in order to do it. That usually stops me in my tracks. Joseph's job has been flexible enough that he can take some time here or there to stay home with kids while I have an appointment, but I try to be really careful about that. In the back of my mind I think, I'd better save that time up in case something really important comes up!

It's easy to go into self-denial mode. When you are a mom, you take care of your kids. Sometimes there are so many demands, you forget that there's another person around who needs a little TLC.

Yesterday I went to get my haircut. My Q-tip head of hair had grown out kind-of weird. As I was driving there, I was thinking about how hard it is to do these things for myself. It seemed like I was dreading it, even though I had gotten out of the house on a Saturday, no need to worry about kids.

I also went out this week to the eye doctor. I love my eye doctor, but I was also in trepidation over this appointment. Once it was over, I wondered, "What was to dread?" It worked out fine. I got to choose new glasses (trying something new: lavender color) and prescription sunglasses for the first time.

Conclusion. Rather than growing up and taking care of myself the way my mom took care of me, I've grown up to take care of myself the same way my mom took care of herself. The lesson here for me is that no matter how well I take care of my own kids, I have to model for them how to take care of themselves so that they can learn it and feel comfortable with it. Otherwise, no matter how self-centered they may seem (I was the queen of self-centered as a child), I'm guessing they are going to struggle with self care, just as I am.

I have a dentist appointment coming up and I need to make a doctor's appointment. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe...