Clarification, or something

I'm working on a thicker skin.

I'm a judger and therefore have the biggest aversion to being judged.  How's that for open and honest?

I've reset my blog from public to private to public to private to public within the last year.  I left facebook because people I knew were feeling attacked when I posted links to ideas that were about me.

One possibility for the blog is just to write about fun family events, rather than writing any philosophical-type posts.  I'm not sure what I'll do.  In mulling over the philosophical-type, I've missed writing about some spectacular happenings with our family and kids.  Partly that's because I live in the moment regularly and in doing so am missing out on the regrets and guilt, and/or the need to prove that my existence is important that I used to experience regularly.  I find that I don't "need" the catalog of events on my blog like I used to.  However, it's still fun to have it. (For instance, I left the room and upon returning, Nathan was sitting here reading through the posts.  That makes it worth it!)

I have written some about my journey in a series of posts called "Letters to My Children."  So, here's the big announcement direct from my blog to whomever may be reading.  Joseph, myself and my kids left the LDS church.  We not only left it, but we resigned.  I cannot currently imagine any circumstances which would induce me to return.  From what I can see through my extensive (not exhaustive) study, thought, and prayer over the past (approximately) two years, it is based on partial truths.  It has been cultivated by a philosopher-king mentality, but maybe not consciously (the idea that the people need someone to show them the way by leaders who "know better" than the general masses--an idea espoused by Plato).  The power and truth said to be held solely within the church can be found all around.  There is nothing that a person can experience within the walls of Mormonism that they cannot experience elsewhere.  Here I'm referring to a basic definition of experience since if you are not Mormon, you cannot go inside a Mormon temple, for instance.  There is also not "one way" to get where you are going.

From inside the church, I would never have agreed with what I just wrote. It's abundantly clear from outside though.

While going through the process of leaving, I found an internet forum called New Order Mormon.  It was immensely helpful to me as I dealt with the collapse of religion in my world.  I went through (am going through) a grieving process.  How could I not?  I had been "in" that world for 38 years.  Recently, one of the members said that his biggest accomplishment in his life was leaving the church.  Having left it, I think I can understand what he means.  It is by no means easy.  It was by all means grueling, necessary, a rebirth.

I recently read a document written by a Canadian man as an open letter to Elder Holland.  I have read several such letters.  Writers of the letters often ask, please, show me where I'm wrong.  I would love to come back to church if you can explain to me why I'm wrong about these matters.  These requests have been met by silence and, occasionally, derision.  This letter is rather bold and tells Elder Holland what would have to change before the writer would consider coming back:

http://www.i4m.com/think/intro/Bishops_letter2.pdf

It is very long.  The short version is at the beginning of the letter and the long version starts at the appendix.  I felt some sense of closure as I read that letter.  It summarizes many of my feelings and thoughts.

This letter made me feel like a HERO to my kids.  While they know that they have choices, they know that the whole world is open to them.  They will not be indoctrinated by ideas that I believe will be damning for them (not damning in the hell sense, but in the stopping sense).  Parents tend to strive to give their kids a better life.  Just in being honest with them about the church we attended, Joseph and I have done that.

I want to send a thank-you out to those who continue in friendship with me, despite my doing something that could be conceived as "evil," possibly a "bad choice," or at best "what was right for my family."